


The desires that bind us

by IronrathLady420



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Bondage, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Rivalry, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:05:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3525161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronrathLady420/pseuds/IronrathLady420
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders tells Hawke about his fantasy, being taken by templars and her coming to his rescue. He never thought it'd come true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A race against time

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want this to be strictly smut so there's some story and build up before it gets dirty, so there will be more to come. Rated explicit for future chapters.

It was late and Hawke had spent most of the night hunting down Emile and Huon for Knight-Commander Meredith. She walked in her estate with aching muscles, and sore feet. It was raining, hard, the sound of thunder shook through her home. 

"Another message arrived while you were away, messere." Bodahn so routinely announced. 

At this point Hawke was sick of receiving messages. When the people of Kirkwall, high or low, needed something done they went to, not the Knight-Commander, not the Guard Captain, but their Champion. And here recently even Aveline and Meredith have been coming to her for help. 

"What is it now? Slavers? Highway men? Or maybe I should ask, mages or templars?" Bodahn decided to remain silent hearing the weariness in her voice.

Hawke walked passed the fireplace feeling its warmth as she walked by. Reaching the foot of the stairs she whistled for her faithful hound to follow. She always felt better with her mabari close by keeping watch, she preferred him at home to scare away any thieves or robbers, especially after he caught that burglar hiding in her wardrobe. 

As she made it to the top of the stairs she suddenly noticed Anders's absence. "He's always here, where could he have gone?" she thought to herself. "Bodahn, do you know where Anders went?" 

Her manservant paused from his chores and replied. "I'm sorry messere, I haven't seen master Anders all day I'm afraid." 

Her brow furrowed, "All day?" she mumbled to herself even more confused. 

Hawke found her way into her bedchamber, she removed her boots and took off her soaked and sweaty armor. Her mabari jumped on the bed and nestled himself at the foot of the sheets. "Get down, boy. Anders will have your head if he finds you there." Hawke calmly commanded. 

Her mabari flattened his ears and answered with a low growl, but obeyed his master nonetheless and settled for a spot next to the fireplace. She put on her casual wear, and one by one removed the pins holding her hair up. 

As she brushed out her hair, slowly working out the knots and tangles, her thoughts kept turning to Anders. Where is he? Why isn't he home? He sometimes visits his old clinic in Darktown or goes to collect healing herbs...and ever since the...her heart bled at the memory…the day he let her go. 

"Anders, you don't have to do this, I love you!" 

"I told you I'd break your heart." his tone calm. 

His words stung, made her recoil from his touch. The look on his face when she did, as if he'd shattered something precious beyond repair. She shut her eyes tight, the words still rang in her head. Damn that mage, like it was some promise he had to keep. 

But for him to be gone all day, and still, he hasn't returned. This dreadful feeling erupted in the pit of her stomach, a gut wrenching feeling that told her something is wrong. Very wrong. They may have stopped sharing the same bed, but she still wanted him here, safe from the templars at least.

Her thoughts were interrupted by frantic knocking coming from downstairs. For a second she hoped it was Anders but why would he bang on the door like that, this is his home too. 

Bodahn's voice came through the door muffled, "I'm sorry to bother you messere, but uh, the guard captain is here to see you. She says its urgent." 

"I'll be down in a minute." Hawke answered back. 

She made her way downstairs.

"Aveline?" she feared the worst.

"Hawke!" Aveline looked worried. "It's Anders. I just got word he's been taken by the templars."

"What!? When did this happen?!" Hawke's face was a mixture of anger and horror her jaw clinching, her hands began to shake and she felt her heart pounding against her ribcage. "I have to get him out."

"Hawke, whatever you're thinking-"

"You know what they'll do to him." Hawke exclaimed.

"This was bound to happen sooner or later, you know that. There's nothing you can do, Champion or not."

Hawke shook her head, "Don't you dare! Don't you dare ask me to sit here and accept his fate. What would you do if it were Donnic?" 

Aveline crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot. "It's the law."

"Then why come tell me?" Hawke rose her voice, unable to contain her anger.

"Because you deserve to know. I know you two are close, I knew you'd worry. But Hawke there isn't anything we can do."

Hawke's brow wrinkled and her eyes were hard. "You're damn right I'd worry, and you honestly thought I'd just be OK with it?"

Aveline huffed and faced the fire. "It seems I'm unable to convince you." a moment of silence passed. "Very well Hawke, but if you get caught you're on your own. I can not help you with this."

Hawke smiled, "Thank you Aveline, I won't forget this."

Aveline nodded and left. Hawke didn't waste any time, she raced up the stairs and donned her armor. Her Champion armor was wet and dirty from today's fights and smelled rank, so she grabbed some other armor she had stashed away in storage. She grabbed her bow and made for the door. 

Before crossing the threshold she heard a low begging whine, she stopped for just a moment. "Its too dangerous, boy. Stay here and protect the house." her mabari answered with a quick assertive bark and stood sentinel in front of the door.

As Hawke made her way to Fenris's mansion she wondered how in Andraste's name was she going to convince him to help her. Maker, his rival is in the Gallows waiting for the brand, he'll believe this is best for everyone, and wouldn't feel any sorrow or pity for the man. Only satisfaction. 

She shuddered at thought of that sunburst symbol burned into Anders's forehead. Not now, not after slowly losing her entire family over the years, she can't lose him too. She won't. And if it is too late to save him, Maker have mercy on any poor soul who stands in her way. She'll paint the circle walls red with Templar blood.

It didn't take long to reach Fenris's place, she let herself inside. As she shut the door behind her, her eyes scanned the dark and gloomy manse. This place suited the broody elf. 

"Fenris." she called. 

No answer. 

She heard a noise coming from the other room, it sounded like glass shattering. She found the elf upstairs getting drunk. Again. And smashing bottles of wine as he reached the bottom. 

"Having fun?" she casually asked. 

He looked at her over his shoulder, his white hair fell into those big green eyes of his. "I needed a change of scenery and thought I'd redecorate the walls." and gave her a small smile, a smile he seemed to reserve only for her. 

A tinge of dread crept through her for she knew what she was about to tell him would be the end of that smile. And she did love seeing him smile, it being so rare and only in her company. 

Here behind these walls of an unclaimed mansion he let down that broody exterior, and here with her he would open up and let a laugh or genuine smile escape him ever so often. 

It was a side of him he showed only Hawke. And would leave her wondering if anything could have ever gone farther between them, if he could just let go of his hatred. He clung to it like it was all he had left, and if he let go he'd be lost. 

"Fenris I need your help. Anders has been taken to the Gallows." she said carefully. 

He turned toward her, "Then that abomination is finally where he belongs." 

There goes that smile. 

"Fenris please, Aveline refused to help, I need you." 

He glared at her, "And rightfully so, he's even admitted he can no longer control that...demon." 

Hawke was beginning to lose her patience, she tried to let the words roll off her. She hated it when people called him an abomination. "He's not an abomination, and Justice is no demon. He's still himself." 

Fenris scoffed, "Not for much longer." 

Hawke glared at him for that last comment. "Don't." she warned in a low voice. 

Letting go of her frustration she composed herself. "I've had your back all these years, fought off slavers for you, I stood with you when Danarius came for you." 

Fenris shot her an angry look. "So, what are you saying, Hawke? That I owe you a debt? If you think I will help you free a possessed mage you are truly insane." 

"I'm not asking for him, I'm asking for me. Please?" she pleaded.

Silence.

She was about to give up, tell him 'forget it', throw her hands up out of exhaustion from trying. Maker take the damn elf, what was she even thinking? She was just wasting precious time arguing with him. Fenris strode to the wall where his sword rested against a wardrobe. 

He flung the enormous blade across his back effortlessly. Graceful, lean, strong. "Lead the way, Hawke."

//

After rounding up Varric and Merrill they headed toward Darktown. Hawke wanted to use the mage underground beneath the Gallows Anders had shown her years ago. It had been sometime since Hawke visited Darktown, she didn't need to come here as often since Anders moved in with her. 

She had forgotten how bad it was here, the smell of waste and famine assaulted her nose. She pushed on however, not letting the stench of the place slow her down. Now matter how fast she moved it was as if she couldn't get there quick enough. 

Each moment that passed, was a moment wasted. Who knows what they're doing to him, who knows if he's already been made tranquil or not. The thought just made her all the more determined.

There were make shift hovels and huts strewn about, with refugees barely surviving. Some stood on the sides begging for bits or scraps of food. Others were laid out on dirty cots, sick ridden. 

A group of urchins ran past them, chasing a rat. When suddenly the rat just fell over asleep, a young boy stopped confused and looked at the strangers passing them. 

He saw a Dalish elf with short black hair holding a glowing staff smiling at him and gave him a nod. The boy smiled back and mouthed a silent, 'thank you.' 

While another boy stuck his knife into the rat, the rodent squealed and writhed in pain. The boy simply clubbed the rat over the head and resumed skinning it while the others gathered kindling for a fire.

They were in the tunnels now, not much farther now. Varric and Merrill lingered behind, keeping a distance while Hawke and Fenris marched ever forward. 

"I saw what you did back there, Daisy." 

Merrill looked over at Varric, "Saw what, what did I do?" she asked, genuinely confused. 

Varric chuckled at her ditsyness. "The rat." 

Her eyes went wide with realization. "Oh that! Yes, well they looked hungry and who knows when they had last eaten anything and I...well...I thought it was nice." her voice trailed off. 

"It was. Just be careful, Daisy. Those folks in Darktown wouldn't hesitate to turn in an apostate for a few silvers." 

Merrill looked down at her feet. "I know, but Hawke wouldn't let anything happen. We're going to free Anders now, she'd do the same for any of us, Varric." 

He sighed and looked on at Hawke. "Of course she would."

They suddenly came to an abrupt stop, "Alright, beyond this point we'll be in the Gallows, everyone stay close." Hawke announced. 

"We're right behind you." Varric assured. 

They pressed onward, cautiously and silently. Hawke wanted to get as far as she could without alerting any templars, hopefully, it being in the wee hours, patrol would be minimum. But the effort was futile, they soon found themselves to be surrounded by templars with Knight-Commander Meredith standing front and center, and Knight-Captain Cullen right beside her.

"Ah, Champion. I wondered when you'd show up. With your connections to the guard I'd knew you'd find out we finally caught your precious mage and that you would stop at nothing to free him. Did you think you could honestly sneak in here without getting caught? Cullen, take these criminals to the dungeons." Meredith commanded. 

She stared straight at Hawke with those hard icy blue eyes. "They will be dealt with in the morning, after your friend takes the rite of tranquillity." 

Cullen and a few other templars moved forward to restrain Hawke and her companions. 

"Well, shit." Varric said in a defeated tone. 

"You won't get away with this Meredith, there will be a reckoning for this. Count on it." Hawke spat back. 

There was no use in fighting them, they were clearly heavily outnumbered. Any fight between them would be short and rather one-sided. 


	2. An unexpected ally

Hawke hung her head low, Maker she felt like such a fool. In her brashness she had endangered her friends and now they're being held prisoner. She didn't dare look them in the eye, how could she? 

The templars were gentle in handling Hawke and her companions, this was their Champion, the one who saved the city from the Qunari, drove them out. Not some frightened apprentice just coming into their power, or some crazed blood mage. 

They were down in the lower floors of the circle, beneath the tower. They didn't go too far, just two floors down. The first floor was used for holding newly caught mages while the templars decided if they were too dangerous and should be put down, or if they had potential and should be made apprentices. The second floor was used for trouble makers, rabble rousers. And the third, the third floor was where they kept the most dangerous, the murderers, and rapers, the blood crazed, criminally insane mages. 

Hawke glanced behind her when she noticed the ones behind her had halted. The other templars were putting her friends in their cells, while Cullen continued to lead Hawke elsewhere. They were being kept separate, no organized plans of escape. 

Cullen finally stopped at a holding cell, Hawke quickly realized there were no neighboring cells where she was. Just a large thick iron door. This must be where they keep mages in solitary confinement. 

Cullen led her inside the room, there wasn't much. A basin, and a very thin, very dirty, poor excuse of a mattress. Cullen took the iron shackles off of Hawke and stood there looking at her. She was still looking down. 

Realizing he hadn't moved she looked up at him to find him staring at her. He had a look like there was something he wanted to say, but was battling whether he should or not.

"Cullen?" she asked quietly. "Is there something you wish to say?" 

He cleared his throat and started to rub the back of his neck, a nervous twitch Hawke assumed. 

"I couldn't say anything earlier, and there have been." he stopped and looked away, searching for the right words. 

After a moment he looked her dead in the eye, his face and expression intent. "Meredith isn't allowed to do this, she goes too far. You aren't even a mage, and Kirkwall's Champion. I can't." he stopped again and turned around walking to the basin. 

Hawke took a step forward wanting Cullen to continue what he had to say. "What are you saying?" she knew what he was saying, she can read between the lines and its no secret Meredith has become more relentless, the rumors grow wilder, even her own templars have started whispering, "Madness".

"I can't tell you your friend, Anders is being kept one floor down, and there's two templars guarding his cell. I can't tell you about the hidden exit blocked off beyond that, that will lead you out of the Gallows." he spoke low. 

Hawke stood there, her eyes wide with shock. Is he helping her? Her alone, she could understand. He's right, Meredith can't keep her here. But why would he tell her how to find Anders? He IS a mage, a mage they've been looking for for a long time now. 

"Then you..." she hesitated. 

Cullen spun back around on his heel and interrupted her. "I wish you luck Champion, may the Maker guide your path." and with that he left shutting the big iron door behind him.

Hawke waited for the jingling of the cell keys and the loud click of the door locking, but none came. Just the sound of Cullen's footsteps fading away. She watched the door curiously then over at the basin where he was just standing. She walked over and looked in the empty water bowl, and low and behold, there it was. He had left the dungeon keys. 

Hawke fumbled with the heavy keys in the dim light. Searching for the right one to unlock Merrill's cell. 

Merrill appeared at the door at a moments notice. "Hawke? How did you-" 

Hawke interrupted her, "No time just cast a damn light or something I can barely see a thing." 

Merrill obliged mumbling a few words conjuring a small wisp of light. 

Hawke breathed in relief and unlocked Merrill's cell. "Come on we need to get the others, they can't be far."

//

Pain racked through his body, the templars had, had their fun. And now he lay there on the cold stone floor bleeding and broken. Heavy irons gripped his wrists leaving raw sores that peeled and bled. His ribs throbbed with each breath. 

He was chained and silenced like some mad dog. Even Justice was powerless once the templars had sprung their trap nullifying any hostile magic. 

He could still hear voices but they sounded far away. His head pounded and his vision was blurred as blood trickled into his swollen eyes. Laughing and taunting, weren't they done yet? Haven't they had enough? 

The fight was leaving him, after half a lifetime of defiance, and the templars beat it from him. Unrelenting and constant with such force. For all his powers he is but a man with these wards draining his mana. 

He had done what needed to be done. The seeds have been sewn and all would fall into place. But only one thing remained. Why won't they end it already? Why wait? 

"Just kill me and have done with it." he didn't deserve to live, the horrors he's done in Justice's name, Vengeance, burning blind vengeance twisted with hate and fury. 

And Hawke, he thought he was doing her a favor, keeping her safe. But was it worth betraying her after all she's done for him? To blackmail her, and keep her in the dark, shut her out and then leave. She would surely be glad to be rid of him once she learns what he's done. 

Why did he have to fall for that beautiful stupid wonderful woman. He hated her and loved her with everything in him. He wanted to choke her but at the same time make love to her. But none of that mattered anymore, just a distant memory fading away in the shadows of this misery.

Something was happening, the templars were suddenly quite and the energy in the air felt different, lighter, like a weight had been lifted. He heard the door swing open and light poured in. If he had trouble seeing straight before he was truly blind now. He felt someone touching his face, soft warm hands. Soothing and caring. 

"Anders!" that voice, he'd know it anywhere. Of course it would be her, Hawke always has to save the day. 

"Can you hear me? Are you alright?" his eyes began to adjust to the light and he could see her face. What a wonderful sight she was right now. 

"Look at him, he's barely hanging by a thread. Let him go Hawke." another voice, that slave Fenris. 

Anders reached up and touched Hawke's face. She leaned into his palm, placing her hand over his. "Not dead yet, love." he mumbled. 

Hawke smiled and looked back at the others keeping Anders's hand in hers. "He's delirious but OK, let's get him out of here." she turned back to Anders pulling something out of her pack. 

He stopped her. "Don't, no need for that."

With the templars' wards gone Anders felt some of his mana returning. He gathered his will despite the pain and cast tiny healing wisps upon himself. His cuts mended and fractured bones formed anew, he felt his strength returning though his body still sore. 

They stood up together, looking at each other. He stroked her hair and looked regretful, he brought out his arms to bring her in close and was quickly reminded of his chains.

"Let me help with those." Hawke told him. 

She pulled out a hair pin from her pocket and picked the locks unbinding him. She rubbed his wrists carefully seeing the damage as the chains crashed into the floor. She studied his face, bruised and battered. She became stricken with sorrow, it hurt to see him like this. 

"Oh Anders, I'm so sorry, if I had gotten here sooner." he just looked at her, amazed and in awe 

"You're here now." he said. "I never expected anyone to come, especially you. In my darkest hour it's you who frees me. Hawke. You truly are my one shining light in Kirkwall." she laughed, small and quick, but it was joy.

He suddenly became serious, she looked into his eyes and saw in them a want that sparked into need, that ignited into a burning passion. Maker she loved the way he looked at her, she had seen that look before and knew what was on his mind. "I should have never left you, I have been such a fool." he grabbed her by the neck and pulled her to him, she gasped as he captured her lips and moaned with pleasant surprise. 

She pulled away and not even looking at the others said, "Watch the door for us." 

Fenris became annoyed. "You've got to be kidding! We need to leave. Now." 

Varric looked at the elf, "We've taken care of any templars on our way down here, let's leave these two alone for awhile. I think we can afford a little time." he urged Fenris and Merrill toward the door. "And Maker's breath Hawke, make it quick." 

This time it was Anders who said something. "No promises there, Varric." 

The dwarf shook his head and he and the elves left them alone. Oh, but the things he had in store for her, the desires that plagued his mind. She had no idea what she was in for.


	3. Regrets

Something primal came over him, he looked at her like a predator about to claim his prize. He quickly closed the gap between them, taking her mouth for his own. Urgent, desperate, and devouring. A kiss so deep it left Hawke gasping for a breath. 

His grip was possessive and rough. This aggression he was showing was all new to her. In the past he was always gentle, tender touches and soft kisses, taking his time to explore each and every part of her with his mouth and hands. 

They began to break away but not before he left her a quick bite on her bottom lip, enough to make her hiss.

She looked at him curiously. "Are you sure about this?" she asked, lightly brushing her fingers across his cuts and scrapes. "I mean, your hurt."

He stared back at her, completely focused. "I've never been more sure of anything else." he told her, his voice deep and husky.

As soon as he spoke the words, he closed his eyes and turned his head. Hawke could see a faint blue glow surfacing. She touched his face, seeing his struggle against the battle with the spirit within him. "Anders. He is not in control, you are." 

He looked back at her and smiled. "And there you are, to pull me back every time." 

He chastised himself, Maker what was he thinking breaking things off with her. In that moment he realized it was her keeping him tethered to his humanity all these years, not letting him lose himself to Vengeance. He leaned in and lavished her neck with his tongue, kissing and sucking and biting, making her jump and gasp and squirm beneath him.

She brought up her hands and ran her fingers through his hair. The way he touched her gave her chills, and excited her, filled her with thrill. She liked this side of Anders and wondered what it took to bring it out in him. Her mind flashed back to their time in Orlais when they were escaping the dungeons of Château Haine. 

"Here I always figured it'd be you coming to spring me from someone's dungeon. I had it all planned: I'd be in the Gallows, templars all around holding the brand for the rite of tranquility. And then you'd burst in and break my chains, then it would be all about the best way to show my gratitude." Anders fantasized out loud.

He stopped and whispered in her ear, "Are you ready for this?" his voice dripping with lust.

She hesitated, a little worried, a little curious. Maker! Was he about to live out his fantasy? She never thought he was serious, just having fun. Her curiosity got the better of her and just under her breath said, "Yes."

He leaned back looking her over. "You are wearing way too much." he said impatiently. 

She looked up at him and said, "So are you." 

Without hesitation they both started undoing straps and buttons with hasty hands and eager fingers. As Hawke pulled his robes off she stopped and stared at his chest, her expression sullen and stern. All up and down his abdomen were dark purple bruises. 

Anders took her by the chin and pushed her gaze into his. "I'm fine." his words tender "Let me worry about you." and kissed her softly on the lips.

There's the Anders she knows. 

When there was nothing left but bare skin he grabbed her and flipped her around bending her over. He pulled her arms behind her back, took the chains on the floor and wrapped them around her wrists. 

As she felt the cold heavy iron around her skin she looked back concerned. "Uh..Anders?"

He shushed her. "Do you trust me?" 

Well Andraste's tits he is going to live out his fantasy. So be it, she's game. Hawke bit her lip and smirked. "Of course."

He took a moment to marvel at the sight of her bound and bent over, completely at his mercy. He put his hand between her legs and felt how wet she was. "You've missed me Hawke." he said with an air of pride if not a little arrogance. 

She let out a frustrated growl. "You ass!"

"Sweetheart, I believe its your ass that's in my hands right now." he said chuckling.

And with that he thrust himself inside her, making her cry out and arch her back. He gripped her ass and held her in place as he had his way. He pounded into her fast and hard, with long deep strides. Making her moan uncontrollably, despite her efforts of trying to stay quite. 

He smiled to himself seeing her fail at her attempt to contain herself, boosting his ego. He grinded deep inside her until he couldn't go in any further. 

"Oh Anders!" she cried out helplessly.

He felt her trying to retreat and grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled just hard enough to make her submit. "Where do you think your going?" he growled.

Oh Maker, the way he said it. Demanding and controlling. The sense of dominance he had over her made her go wild with pure blinding desire. As he retracted back just a little, she shoved herself back down on him, not wanting him to stop, or slow down. 

"That's my girl, take it." he said as he gave her a sharp slap on the ass.

He felt her tense and contract around his manhood when he did. "Mmm again." she pleaded breathlessly.

He obliged and slapped her again and again while he continued to thrust ruthlessly into her. Each time feeling her grow tighter and wetter, until he himself couldn't hold back any longer.

It didn't take long for him to finish, when he was done Hawke sat up on her knee's and leaned back against Anders, with his hands supporting her. "I think you missed me too." she said after a moment of catching her breath.

He held her tighter against him and kissed her shoulder. "Mmm-hmm" he agreed.

She shook her arms. "Now get these damn chains off of me." she said playfully.

He unwrapped the chains around her wrists, as he did she turned around to face him and hugged him, burying her face in his neck. Anders relished in the feeling of her body pressed against his. A feeling of wholeness, completion. 

"So, do you think we could ever get back to where we were?" she asked with caution.

She felt him shift and reposition himself. His grip loosened and he avoided eye contact with her. Maker how was he supposed to tell her? What he's done, they can never have a future together or a normal life. There is no use in leading her on in a hopeless illusion. 

Hawke nodded her head in a way that said she expected nothing more. "I see. We're still there." she quickly wiped her eyes, trying to hide the evidence of tears surfacing.

She snatched her clothes from the floor and was dressed again in no time. "This was obviously a mistake." she made way towards the door and before walking out she added, "We'll be waiting, don't take too long."

Her words broke his heart, fitting, considering he broke hers. He felt terrible, she deserved better than this. But there is no other choice, this is the way it has to be...Or at least, Justice would have him believe. 

He donned his robes and met up with the others. When they are back home he is going to tell Hawke everything and to the Void with what Justice thinks. He will salvage his relationship with Hawke, while he still could.


	4. Closure

Hawke stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Her eyes were glossy and had a look on her face that could kill. She walked away from the group, isolating herself. Out of anger she punched the wall, bloodying her knuckles. She screamed releasing her frustration. First Fenris and now Anders. Atop of loosing her family to the blight and blood magic.

Maker, is she cursed?

The pain didn't phase her, the pain in her hand was nothing compared to what she felt in her heart. She was hurt, angry, and confused. What is he not telling her? She had given him everything, mind, body and soul. Stood by him and supported him without question and he shuts her out with no explanation.

The others stood by and looked on at Hawke with confusion. 

"Oook, didn't see that coming." Varric said, trying to ease the awkward situation unfolding before them.

"Is Anders coming?" Merrill asked oblivious to the tension that clung to the air. "Why is Hawke angry? She seemed quite happy a few moments ago." 

"Your guess is as good as mine, Daisy."

Just then the thick solid door swung open again. Anders emerged, he looked shameful, withdrawn. 

Fenris rushed towards him gripping him by the collar and slammed him against the wall. "What did you do to her?" he snarled.

Anders's expression was offensive, "Nothing you haven't already." he shot back, shoving the elf off of him.

"I warned you, mage!" Fenris snapped, not backing down, "Break her heart, I will kill you." he reminded him.

Anders took a step toward the elf, staring him down. "Then rip out your own heart, you broke her heart first, if I remember correctly."

"I know you two can't wait to kill each other, but here and now is not the best time." Varric cut in."I'd rather not get captured by the templars...again."

Fenris glanced over at Varric and then back at Anders. Their eyes locked, glaring with deadly intent. A stand off between two rivals, polar opposites. Both uniquely powerful and dangerous, a loose canon waiting to go off. Both warring for the other's destruction and the affection of their Champion.

"Stop it!" they heard Hawke scream. "I'm no prize to be won."

Her voice rang through them breaking the tension building and thriving between them. No one spoke, they picked up their weapons and headed out. Hawke leading in front, Anders far in the back.

Hawke stopped when they came to a dead end. "Cullen said there's an exit blocked off somewhere down here, everyone spread out, eyes sharp."

"Cullen?" Anders asked with a little anger.

"Yes Cullen. He helped me, told me where to find you. Not all templars are the devils you make them out to be." Hawke replied annoyed. "Start looking for that hidden exit."

He cringed at her words, she was right and he deserved every scornful look and cold shoulder she gave him. He knew there were some good templars, but he just couldn't help it. Templars are like dogs, you hate one, you hate them all. And he hated dogs almost as much as he hated templars. Anders prayed it's not too late to fix things. Without saying anything further he began searching with the others.

"I think I found something." Merrill announced. "I can feel a breeze."

The others ran toward her relieved. "Nice job, Merrill." Hawke complimented. "But it'll take us too long to dig through this. We need force, and a lot of it."

Merrill looked at the others, "I can handle it. Everyone stand back." she warned.

The others cleared the way, stepping back several feet and then some. Merrill took out a knife, sliced her palm and mumbled a silent spell. She projected the magic toward the blockade.

Wooden planks and rocks exploded in all directions. She barely stood against the shockwave. The blast rang and echoed throughout the pits of the tower.

Varric and Anders came running up first. "Now we really need to get going, I'm not sticking around to see if anyone heard that." Varric said, making way through the exit.

Anders grabbed Merrill by the shoulder twisting her around, forcing her to look at him. "Are you crazy!?" he roared. "Your going to use blood magic here of all places?"

Merrill stared up at him with innocent eyes. "It helped didn't it? Or do you want to stay here longer digging through rubble after being beaten and silenced."

"You will have a much worse fate if your discovered." he answered back. "If I die, I die fighting for freedom. If you die, you die for being a malificar." 

"We all die Anders. It doesn't matter how or why."

"It matters how your remembered." Anders said.

Hawke and Fenris ran past them "We need to move. Let's go." Hawke said hurrying them. 

They obeyed and fell in behind the rest of the party.

//

 

Hawke approached her front door, Anders close behind. The others had already broken away returning to their homes. She walked through the door leaving it open for Anders. She hadn't looked his way and barely spoken to him since they left his cell. 

Her mabari jumped up greeting her with a wagging tail. She gently pushed her hound back, "Not now boy." his ears perked and he tilted his head to the side letting out a confused whine.

The wardog turned to Anders and bared it's teeth at him. "Nice to see you too." Anders said sarcastically.

Hawke was quickly upstairs in her chambers. Anders flinched at the sound of her bedroom door shutting harshly. He had never seen her so angry and hurt before, and it tore him up inside knowing he is the cause of her anguish.

"Oh, Maker!" a shocked tiny voice came from behind him followed by glass breaking. It was the elven slave Hawke saved from the magisters chasing Fenris. She had gotten up to get a drink and upon seeing Anders's condition she dropped her glass out of surprise. "Messere, your hurt! I'll retrieve some healing balms at once and some bandages." she said turning to leave.

Anders stopped her. "No, I'll be fine, the worst has passed. Thank you though."

"Yes, messere. As you say." The elven woman bent down to clean up her mess as Anders followed Hawke's path, determined to set things right.

Hawke laid on her bed face down, burying her cries into her pillow. 'Maker please make me hate him, it hurts too much to remember. Make me forget his warm smiles and those eyes that burn with passion.' she prayed to herself.

She prayed so fervently and cried so hard she didn't hear the timid knock at her door, or the cautious click of the doorknob followed by that. Anders slowly entered, closing the door behind him. He stood at the foot of her bed unsure how to continue.

"Marian?" He said quietly.

She jerked a little, startled to hear his voice speak her first name. He had never called her by her first name. It was always either "Hawke" or "love".

She wiped her face and looked back at him. "You..You've never called me that before." she stuttered from fighting the tears.

"I have never felt love like this before. Anyone I've ever been with was just to temper the sting of loneliness." he began, "But you came into my life and set something on fire inside, something not even Justice can touch. I know your hurting because of me and it pains me seeing it."

"Why are you telling me this?" she whispered.

He walked over to her side and knelt down. He brushed his fingers through her hair making her turn her head and face him.

"Because it ends now. If you're willing to listen, I'm willing to tell you what happened in the Chantry and why. I'm tired of hurting from seeing your pain that I caused. It's killing me Marian. I thought by keeping you in the dark I was keeping you safe, but all it's done is cause you grief. And if telling you fixes that, then so be it."

She sat up looking at him, "I'm listening."

//

Hawke sat quietly and let him say everything he had to say. He told her what those ingredients he had her collect were really for, he told her what he did in the Chantry while she distracted the Grand Cleric asking for blessings, and his reasons for it. He told her how its all connected to Justice and that when the time is right Justice will...activate it.

She never once interrupted him or lost her temper. She never once broke eye contact. She wanted to look him in the eye while he admitted his secrets, Hawke wanted to see what he was feeling, see what kind of man was behind those eyes.

Would she see hate, regret? Justice or Vengeance? Would she see a desperate man who's lost all grip on reality, or a revolutionary who would change the world?

Truth be told she saw a little of everything. He hated how the templars treated mages, but regretted what he had to do. He wanted justice for those neglected and abused, but wanted vengeance for those mentally mutilated and those who were mercilessly cut down. 

When he was finished she stared into the fire with no expression. He waited for her to say something, it was impossible to tell what she was thinking. The seconds felt like minutes.

"Please say something Hawke."

She looked back at him, "What about Sebastian?" 

He sighed. "Of course you would want to save him." he said unsurprised. "That's what I love about you, you look out for people. But what are you going to tell him, how are you going to get him to leave the Chantry?"

"I don't know yet but I'll think of something...Anything." she said, grasping for straws.

She took his hand, her tone becoming much more serious. "This city looks to me to keep them safe, and it's been my home for many years now. Created memories here, good and bad. I've built a life, that you're apart of. But...." she hesitated. "I'm with you." she said touching his face. "I'll always stand with you, whatever path you choose. I love you and nothing you can do can change that. Nothing in this world will take you from me. I would kill anyone who tried taking you from me."

He reached up and wiped the tears falling down her cheeks. Hearing her say those things was such a relief. He was sure she would scream at him, pound his chest and call him a monster. That she would hate him and never want to see him again.

He didn't know why he never saw it before. It was as if she was meant for him. She has seen him at his worst, and here she stays, by his side. She is his one true love, his rock, his other half, his soulmate.

"Marian." his voice was distraught.

Her heart skipped a beat. Maker, he said it again. He leaned in and rested his forehead on hers. "If you can forgive me, I swear I'll never leave you again." he whispered.

She answered him by pushing her mouth onto his. She drank in his smell, a mix of Elfroot and lyrium dust. The feel of his stubble against her skin, the way she fit perfectly in his arms. Their kiss deepened, slow and steady, no rush. Just him and her savoring each moment, and becoming intoxicated with one another.

Hawke pulled away, "No more secrets?"

"No more secrets." he promised.

She laid back on the bed getting under the covers and raised them up, inviting him. He took the invitation and crawled towards her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. She hugged his neck and left soft kisses in her wake rubbing her nose and face on his skin.

"I've missed this too much." she said.

He kissed her on the forehead, the nose, and then her lips again, "Me too love, me too."

Intertwined with one another. He held her like it was their last moment together and she pressed herself against him as if she couldn't get close enough. They fell asleep together in each others arm's.


End file.
